Noted Observations and Unreal Photography

10 Observations Noted:

1) Bermuda is possibly the best place on earth to sit and do as little as possible. Thus far, I'm halfway through reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and I've tanned at least a slight shade darker.

2) Bermuda has the bluest water and the bluest sky I think I've ever seen. And pink beaches unlike anywhere else in the world. It's terribly picturesque.

3) Tiki huts in the United States are cool, but in Bermuda, they are cool. And they serve you booze on the beach.

4)Bermuda has lots to do when doing nothing. For example, watching a speedboat race around the island from the beach.

5) And it you get sick of one beach there is always another one to go to, which is just as beautiful as the one before it.

6) Boating in Bermuda is WAY fun. Probably because the water is so blue, but also because boats here are cool.

7) Bermuda has lots of chickens.

8) Bermuda also has lots of pretty flowers, which are infinitely better looking than the chickens.

9) Bermuda has some cool looking birds, and some weird looking lizards too.

10) Tree frogs are pretty gross, but getting pictures of them is pretty awesome.

As a reference point, the average tree frog is about the size of a human thumbnail, and basically invisible against a brown tree in the middle of the night.

However, with persistence and an excellent camera caddy (myself) Dad managed to get around 20 shots of the little buggers and three practically award winning photographs. Eat your heart out Elle MuleBomb.

Close-up Shot! You can't even see them this well in person. How cool is that?

Snorkeling at Nonsuch Island

And let me tell you, there is no nonsense on Nonsuch Island. The five of us took a motor boat out to Nonsuch and then explored a shipwreck and the beautiful (and terrifying) fish that swam up next to us. Here's some shots from the boat ride over.

What Beautiful Babes.

Dad drove over, but then I was allowed to dazzle him with my boat driving skills. Which were impressive if I do say so myself.

And then came the snorkeling. Which was fun, but I almost got attacked by jellyfish, so also sort of terrifying. My family will tell you that there were no jellyfish and that I was seeing things, but I know what a jellyfish looks like and they almost stung me to death.

Here I am pre-jellyfish sneak attack.

And here's the happy family.

And thanks to my Dad's fancy underwater camera, we get to share some of our fabulous underwater fish shots. This one is a parrot fish I think, about the size of an average football.

And here are some striped fish that had no reservations what so ever about swimming right next to your head and pretending to attack you.

Here is a variety of fish that are swimming in and out of a foot and a half wide opening between the rock of the island and the wall of the ship that had wrecked on it. We had to swim through the opening, which was claustrophobic and filled with really big fish. Clearly I was great at it....

Anyways, that was fun but enough snorkeling for me for a long, long time.

Some Shots from the First Day

Here are some pictures from our first day here. Monica and Alexa insisted we go down to the beach so that Alexa could put her toes in the ocean, and Monica insisted that I take pictures of her looking pretty and in a moment of solitude against the ocean. I of course had no choice but to oblige.

The two happy sisters

The beach and the Atlantic Ocean at night.

And here of course are obligatory pictures of Monica looking solemn or whatever.

I think she's dancing in this one.

In this one she is in solitude.

And in this one she's far away.

And here is what Dad did the entire time

More pictures to follow, so stay tuned.

Swizzle Inn, Swagger Out

If you know anything about Rum and Traditional English Pub food on this side of the Atlantic, then you probably guessed from the title of this blog post that it is traveling season with my good old family and that we are back in Bermuda. We're not anything but creatures of habit.

To the amazement of my entire family, I managed to not screw up our air travel too badly with my Transportation Curse. Alexa did almost have a cow when we waited an extra 10 minutes before going through security so that I could finish gulping down my scalding hot coffee at warp speed, as per her instructions. But don't worry, we made it to the gate with an entire hour to spare before boarding. Thank God Alexa keeps us on time and together. That minor tongue burn I received was totally worth it.

After a speedy layover in Charlotte where Alexa sprinted to the gate across three concourses at warp speed (new record) without breaking a sweat, we were on our way to Bermuda. But the fascinating part of the story comes from our delay at Bermuda customs at the fault of ..... (wait for it) ..... My Dad's Golf Club. Apparently since it was staying on the island they wanted to adequately test it for anthrax and such. And I'd just like to draw attention to the fact that it wasn't me this time!!!!

It was a very pleasant first day. We arrived on the island around 4, went down to the dock for a while, then went to Swizzle Inn for dinner where I had some delicious Fish and Chips and Mom and I split a Dark and Stormy (which was actually pretty gross so I just had Magden's).

Life here is relaxing and very inconsequential. Pictures should follow soon. My dad is gonna try to take a picture of an invisible singing tree frog that is the size of the average thumbnail and only comes out at night. If he actually does it, expect a great expose.

So You Wanna Be a Hipster

This is one of my favorite pieces I've ever written. I've linked it to the Black Sheep where it was originally published and reproduced the text in full.

http://www.theblacksheeponline.com/article/so-you-want-to-be-a-hipster

Congratulations! You have decided that everything you know and love about entertainment is now worthless and loathsome and is making you thoroughly uncool. You are going to completely change all of your ideas about what is good entertainment to revamp your image and become a hipster.

Don’t kid yourself; the transition from mindless-zombie-slave into full-fledged hipster isn’t an easy one. Being a hipster takes hours of work but must look effortless. Luckily, I’ve taken everything you need to know about being a hipster and compiled it into this 5-step program. Follow these rules, and before you know it, all of your friends will be asking you where to get coffee and what music to listen to. Then you will be able to respond disdainfully without even thinking about it.

Step #1: Think Like A Hipster: The most important thing to realize is that everything you once enjoyed was wrong. It was entertainment for the masses, not for you. Also, start thinking you are better than everyone else. It is important to make everyone feel like you are the pinnacle of cultural capitol, and that your taste in music, books, movies, etc., is the “correct” choice.

Step #2: Talk Like a Hipster: Everything you say should start to sound very important but be entirely meaningless. Consider buying a book of quotes from unknown philosophers and inserting them into your everyday dialogue. These should be used around particularly stupid friends who will not know that you are misusing these quotations.

Step #3: Act Like a Hipster: Begin listening to music that nobody has heard of. Look for music with unintelligible lyrics. The more monotonous it sounds, the better. You must hate everything you hear on the radio. Also, the only films you like now are French New Wave and foreign cinema. If it was made in Hollywood, it is now garbage. And buy a yearly subscription to the New Yorker to display on your coffee table. It is not necessary to read the magazine, but it is essential to own copies.

Step #4: Look Like A Hipster: You should start losing weight immediately. The easiest way to do this is stop eating. Your diet should consist solely of lattés, loose-leaf tea (never from a tea bag) and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Begin to dress in the tightest pants you can find, and pair them with either plaid flannel shirts or vintage sweaters. If a sweater looks like something Bill Cosby would wear, it is perfect. Travel everywhere by bicycle, and be sure to roll up one pant leg when en route. (Side note: it is not necessary to roll this pant leg back down after reaching your destination.)

Step #5: Be A Hipster: You should begin to identify yourself as a hipster in your mind, but NEVER aloud. When told you are a hipster, you should act mildly offended and say something like “Oh no, I’m not a hipster, I’m just into that kind of ______.” The more vague the statement is, the better. You should be condemning the term “hipster” but exemplifying everything that goes along with it.

If you follow this program you will be well on your way to seeing everything ironically and scoffing at all of the lesser people around you. Just remember, every hipster knows they are a hipster, but would never say it out loud. Now get out there are start dissing everyone!

The Wisdom Teeth Chronicles: Day 1

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to spend the better part of my morning drugged up at the hospital getting my wisdom teeth surgically removed. And then I was unlucky enough to spend the remainder of the day on my couch watching movies, sleeping and eating ice cream.

For all you worry-warts, don't worry the procedure went fine. I didn't even try to kill the nurse who put the IV in my arm. And it turns out that I'm pretty funny when I'm on a mild Anesthetic.

Now this has all been relayed to me second hand, because I don't remember saying any of it, but apparently, they started hooking my vitals up to the machines and I said "Oh this is just like being on House!" Score one for knowing that even when I'm drugged up I still love TV more than I'm worried about my own life.

And then apparently after the surgery was over, the doctor asked me "How do you feel?" to which I responded "Is the IV out?" to which he responded "Yes" to which I responded "This is my favorite place on earth. You can all come to my wedding." So I have that to laugh about forever.

Of course it wouldn't be a trip to the hospital if I wasn't difficult in some way, so following the surgery I threw up twice. Which is pretty impressive if you ask me because 1. There wasn't anything in my stomach and 2. The damn procedure was completely over by that point. Score two for overreacting after the fact as usual.

Then after a drive home I barely remember I somehow made it to my family room couch, from which I didn't budge for the next 8 hours. I did something completely unprecedented in my 20 and 1/2 years of life: I put Fantasia in on DVD, watched the first three seconds of the film with Dean Taylor, and then fell asleep until Ave Maria. This I still cannot believe, because I usually watch all of Bach's Toccata and Fugue and The Nutcracker Suite, fall asleep until Beethoven's Sixth and then get really upset when I wake up and I've missed the Mussorgsky and Ave Maria ending. Ridiculous.

After that oddity I watched Fantasia 2000, where I at least managed to stay awake the full three minutes it takes to watch Beethoven's Fifth and then fell completely asleep until Firebird. Which was again weird because I didn't watch Rhapsody in Blue or the Flamingo song.

So following those two mishaps, I managed to successfully stay awake for the entirety of Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Newsies. Which was great because I nearly forgot that I knew all of the words to all of both of those films, but not so great because I could barely open my mouth wide enough to say all of them. This was of course to the dismay of Alexa, who sat with my all day and was devastated I couldn't sing along to all of our favorite musical moments.

So now I have another full day of couch arrest watching movies because our cable is out from the massive Thunderstorm/Tornado I slept through. Visitors are welcome, and recommended to bring some form of entertainment.

Banana Cupcakes

Well as it turns out, shamelessly begging to God and all of your friends and family to be employed can sometimes actually help you. With the help of my new best friend on earth Maggie, I am officially employed by the French Loaf Bakery in Grandview, and Thank God!! So to practice for all the good baking and serving I will be doing, I made Banana Cupcakes!!!

Recipe:

1 and 1/2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1/2 cup butter

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 tablespoon vanilla

A pinch of salt

2 mashed up bananas

Mix ingredients together until batter is smooth and bake for 12-16 minutes at 350 degrees, but don't be worried if you have to keep them in a bit longer. The batter takes a while to fully bake, just be sure to test the cupcakes with a toothpick.

They should look like these beauties when they come out.

You can frost them with any flavor frosting you like. I did chocolate, but I'm sure vanilla, cream cheese or peanut butter would also be quite delicious.

And then I decorated them with some walnuts and banana slices. You could mix walnuts into the recipe above as well if you wanted the crunch inside the muffin, or omit them completely if you or someone you knew had allergies. Whatever floats your boat.

And I bought this fun little cupcake carrying box for 50 cents at Target. Now they are delicious and adorable to boot!

The finished product! I hope you all enjoy these treats at home.

I'll be posting more recipes and makes pictures soon. Or you should feel free to come visit me at The French Loaf in Grandview when I'm working!