"The Definition of Insanity is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results" - Albert Einstein

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

"Marley was dead: to begin with"

There has been some speculation that people think I'm a scrooge. And when I say people, I mean my friends Mark, Andy and Levi (all names have not been changed) among others. For the record I understand why people may think I am a scrooge.

Reasons could possibly include:

1. My hatred of Christmas Music. But to that I'd say, if you went through 7 years of middle and high school choir singing Christmas music as a Jew, you'd hate it too. And for the record, hearing all of your other classmates complain about singing a Hanukkah song kind of takes the joy out of feeling included.

2. My hatred for the mall beginning on Black Friday and stretching until December 26th, despite my absolute love for the mall at all other times of the year. Well, here's why: I love shopping. I want to take my leisurely time perusing every corner of my favorite department stores, and trying on 15 coats just to make sure I buy the one that is perfect, and between Black Friday and December 26th, that experience is ruined for me. I am practically a shopping guru, practically raised in shopping malls, and this time of year is the only time where mall rats like myself become alienated by frantic fathers trying to buy last minute gifts and psychotic hockey moms who think that unless they grab something at that very minute it will be lost forever in some bottomless shopping mall pit. God forbid these novice shoppers consider Amazon.com.

3. I dislike everyone wishing me "Merry Christmas" on the street as if it if were a substitute for "Have a Nice Day." And while I realize that this is a petty and stupid complaint because at least this means people are being nice to each other, I dislike that everyone assumes I celebrate Christmas, and this continues to play into the fact that even though Christmas is a Christian holiday, everyone on earth treats it like it is practically a holiday celebrated by anyone who is a human being, and disliking it (God Forbid) would mean one didn't have a heart. I have a heart.

4. As a television lover, part of me is always annoyed that the last episode of the Fall TV season is always the Christmas episode. Mostly because while there are many Christmas episodes I've enjoyed over the years (Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas last week on Community was spectacular for example) I always feel like I'm missing out on part of the joke, because I've never done Christmas.

However, I'd like to take this point to acknowledge that I am NOT a Scrooge. Despite all of these things above. I do not just hate Christmas for no particular reason. Also, according to Dictionary.com, a scrooge is a miserly curmudgeon, to which I say I am absolutely not a miserly curmudgeon. And shame on those who would say that about me.

That being said, I will be spending this Christmas out of the country for the second year in a row, by what is probably not a coincidence, in attempts to get away from commercialism, cold weather and Americanized X-mas. So be prepared for some upcoming international blog posts from Bermuda, more information to come later.

But now if you'll excuse me, my mother needs me to wrap Christmas presents for everyone she's ever met in her entire life practically. And we all know how important Christmas presents are....

1 comment:

  1. Ok....that was good. I'm not pleased to see my name in this, and I don't think I've ever called u a scrooge or thought it. I think its funny, but ever since the Christmas comment I made two years ago during training, I feel like I have never "hated" on you for the no Christmas music thing....whatevs, as your manager, I give this blog an.... A-